Fic: Please

[bandearg_rois]

Title: Please
Author: bandearg_rois 
Rating: R
Pairing: Kirk/McCoy
Word Count: 1,056
Summary: Academy fic. It started as simple stress relief. Then things got complicated.
Disclaimer: I own absolutely nothing to do with this fic, since I'm not Mike Posner, JJ Abrams, Gene Rodenberry, Paramount, or Bad Robot. Jus' sayin'.
A/N: Most of this was written during Word Wars last night, but I've edited it to my liking and made it work grammatically and story-wise. Kind of self-filling my prompt on the Kink Meme, but this is more because I wasn't ready to start on my Big Bang.

 

Leonard was not big on attachment, something that nearly anyone could see. So how had a ‘casual fling’ gotten so out of hand? Things had started simple between Jim and him, just two men who needed sex, but then they became friends, and that changed the whole game. He had never bothered to even think about whether Jim would be there when he woke up; the assumption was that the kid would be gone long before first light. It was the way things were, and that was fine with him.

But one night the thought flitted into his head when Jim left, and he ended up sitting in his bed, trying to figure out what was going on. He couldn’t ask Jim, because he knew what answer he’d get. Things were getting heavy, and the kid would be gone. He found that was something he didn't even want to contemplate, so he he shoved it deep under the layers of his lingering self-contempt. He managed to keep up with it for a good six months, clenching his jaw when he wanted to reach out and grab Jim, hold him to him and beg him never to leave. It became excruciatingly hard to do it, to let Jim go off and do his own thing, while Leonard was stuck in one place, unable to move on, unable to do anything but wait.

It had started to affect more than just his mind; he wasn't sleeping well, and food tasted like cardboard. He didn’t know when Jim started to notice, but suddenly there were little disposable casseroles of peach cobbler and things waiting in his rooms, the only thing he could eat without choking, and Jim would stay a little while after their trysts, holding onto him for a few hours before leaving. That actually made it harder, because there was a false sense of security, which fucked with Leonard even more, since every time he’d go to work after one of those nights, or to class, there would be a whisper of who else Jim had been with, which was like a kick to the gut, and so not what he needed to deal with on top of all the other bullshit he was dealing with, being a fully licensed doctor and an Academy cadet at the same time.

One night it all came to a head. He was drunk, and Jim was there, and they went back to his apartment and had hot, furious sex. Jim stayed for a couple of hours, but when he went to leave, Leonard held on tighter, his alcohol fogged brain taking over where his sober brain hadn't dared to go, wanting to keep Jim with him. Jim pulled away insistently, though, and he was forced to let go, but not before mumbling something in Jim’s ear.

“Baby, please don’t go.” Jim was gone immediately.

Leonard didn’t see much of Jim for 4 months, unless they had a class together, which was less and less likely, seeing as how their tracks were so different. He didn’t go looking either, because once he’d woken up that morning and remembered what he said, he’d promptly missed an entire day of classes trying to drink his memory away, as if that would make the whole incident disappear. Finally, though, a routine resurfaced, with him working until he was forced to go back to his apartment, drinking half a bottle of bourbon while studying, and then sleeping through the night until he had the bare minimum of time to get to his first class in the morning.

That routine couldn’t last either, though, because there was only so many bottles of bourbon he could acquire at one time, and his grades were starting to slip. One night when he was at a bar (something different than his new habit of hiding in his room), Jim sat down at the bar next to him, acting as if nothing had happened in the past months, as if they had just seen each other the day before. Leonard was not going to play along with that. But it was Jim’s words that cut across his mulish thoughts.

“I’m sorry.” It was the first time he’d ever heard those words come out of that mouth, and so he was inclined to believe it.

“What would you have to be sorry for? I was the one that got attached.” He was angry, and halfway to tipsy, and he didn’t need this shit.

“No, that’s not it. I’m sorry for making you… making you think that I didn’t value our friendship. I do value it, and I’ve… kind of missed it.”

“You mean to tell me that you’re sorry for avoiding me for 4 months? You’re an idiot, Jim.”

“Huh?” Jim looked genuinely puzzled, and Leonard almost felt sorry for him. Almost.

“You had every right to avoid me after what I said, Jim. I shouldn’t have said anything, it was stupid of me. Thanks, for coming over here, though. You can disappear again if you want to.” He turned back to his tumbler of Woodford, idly listening for whether or not Jim left. There was no scrape of stool, no creak of leather, and he slowly looked back over to see Jim staring at him as if he’d never seen him before. "What? I said if you want to leave, you can. I'm fine here." He held up the glass as if to show that he was absolutely fine, even as part of him wanted to scream for Jim, to latch on and not let go.

“Bones… What do you want? Do you want me to go away? Do you want me to stay here and go home with you? Do you want me to stay after? You gotta say what you want. Because if you don’t, I’m not gonna know what you need.” Jim's eyes were wide open, earnest.

Leonard was taken aback by the abruptness of the questioning, though part of him was mighty pleased at the turn of events. He thought for a moment, staring into Jim’s eyes, and mutely held out a hand. When Jim took it and nodded, he felt as if a weight had been lifted from his shoulders. Everything would be okay. Maybe not today, but someday, and that was alright with him.

A/N2: sorry for the abruptness of the ending, I might come back and edit that as well, but I can't look at this anymore right now or I'll scrap the whole thing. So here's what I've got.

Comments

[elfsausage.livejournal.com]

Oh man! The angst! Please please please think about writing some more of this? Because Bones is a stupid boy, and Jim is a stupider one, and they need to realise their true wuv :-D

[shameless-klutz.livejournal.com]

Oh, I just love this! Stupid boys! *hugs them*

More please? :D

[secretsolitaire.livejournal.com]

Ridiculous boys who don't use their words! :-)