bandearg_rois | Hope, Kindness, Rebirth

Title: Hope, Kindness, Rebirth
Author: bandearg_rois
Rating: PG-13
Warnings: Minor Character Death, not specified
Word Count: ~3480
Summary: Written as a fill for space_wrapped . Prompt: Historical AU, Bones and Jim live in an apartment/flat/house together, as bachelors, and celebrate Christmas together. Mistletoe is used as a lucky charm that never works, until one winter, Bones meets a lady, and Jim realizes what he's about to lose. Good end for Bones and his lady? Or for our star-crossed lovers? (obviously paraphrased from the original prompt). Hope the OP likes it, Bones wanted to tell it.
A/N: betaed by the wonderful imagined_haven , who helps me out through thick and thin! Also, Happy Holidays!

Hope, Kindness, Rebirth

“There's more, much more, to Christmas Than candlelight and cheer; It's the spirit of sweet friendship That brightens all year. It's thoughtfulness and kindness, It's hope reborn again

*^*~*^*

Leonard McCoy hated being stuck in Ireland, but it wasn’t because he hated the country; to the contrary, the land was beautiful and the people were mostly friendly. It was the damned cold. His family had long since settled in the Georgian Colony across the ocean, which meant that he had never seen snow, or any of the things most people associated with Christmas, or winter even. He had been forced to travel here to settle the estate of the last of his family left in the Old Country, and because of that, he couldn’t go home. His wife had said that in no uncertain terms, if he left, she wouldn’t be waiting for him when he returned. And then she backed it up with her family’s power, and he had nothing left for him there.

So he looked into flats in the Dublin area, and found one with only one roommate, someone named James Kirk, according to the landlord. When he actually met the man, his first impression was of a layabout, a pretty boy who had everything handed to him by an absentee family. That opinion didn’t change for a long time, especially because he never saw the man except maybe once a week, when he happened to come back from the hospital in the middle of the day after a long shift. Eventually though, he realized that Kirk wasn’t exactly a pretty-boy rich kid. The boy was out of sorts, some kind of recent trauma that had sent him into a cycle of destruction that Leonard himself had had to work hard to keep from embracing after his father died.

By the time the holidays rolled around, they’d even talked a bit, around the fire, on the rare nights he had off from the hospital, caring for the sick and unfortunate that wandered in thicker than thieves as the weather got colder, making him appreciate his new home and all of its amenities, because he could have been one of them. Soon enough, the discussion about Christmas began, both of them trying and failing miserably to hide the fact that they really had no one to spend it with, nothing to do with themselves for the entire time. Eventually, over the course of their semi-drunken discussions, they decided on spending their time together, neither of them really certain about their place in the world but unable to voice that feeling of discomfort with themselves or the world.

That first Christmas was nearly a disaster, until they were descended upon by one of Kirk’s ‘friends,’ the madam of a bawdy house, Gaila O’Hallahan. She transformed their small sitting room into a Christmas paradise, a small tree dominating one corner, covered in gold and blue candles, red garlands of dried berries completing the decorations for the small tree. She even provided small ornaments, admonishing them to begin collecting their own. There were more candles and holly over the fireplace, and a small sprig of mistletoe hanging in another corner, out of the way of traffic. Frankly, Leonard felt a bit sick, this being his first Christmas alone, without his family and friends back home.

Strangely enough, though, Kirk seemed just as out of his depth, like he hadn’t celebrated the season in any real way in a long time. Of course, he laughed and joked with Gaila as they decorated, kissing her cheek under the mistletoe, but there was something missing in his eyes, something that Leonard realized he’d never seen at all. True emotion, good or bad. Kirk’s eyes were like a still lake, reflecting everything but showing nothing. It unnerved Leonard a little, but he couldn’t exactly call the man out. He himself hid behind his hard exterior, forcing everything to slide off, his only reaction grumbling and cursing.

When Gaila left them, the two danced around each other, trying to decide which traditions they’d bring into their little flat. Most of them plainly confused Kirk, and Leonard didn’t feel like teaching him everything about it, so they stuck to what they knew. The mistletoe was the first thing they discussed, since Gaila had hung it for some reason. Kirk’s family was originally from a lot farther East, so they went with what little he knew, that a kiss underneath it on Christmas Eve stood for peace and longevity and luck, rather than the scariness that was the ‘kissing ball’ theory.

So that first Christmas Eve, they went to Kirk’s Club for Christmas dinner, and retired to the flat. They lit all of the candles on the tree (and both of them agreed that while the colors were good, neither of them wanted as many candles or as large a tree), and drank some of the eggnog that had arrived from the Farragut, Gaila’s House. Then they made their way over to the corner, both of them closing their eyes and brushed lips. Once it was over, both of them laughed, but Len saw a spark of emotion in Kir – Jim’s eyes that didn’t leave once they’d separated after the holiday was over the next day, each of them having given the other a small ornament to add to their slowly growing collection.

As the years passed, they began other traditions, like trying to find more and more obscure gifts and traditions, and one-upping each other with the absurdity of the same. They got a smaller tree the next year, not as many candles, but the mistletoe was still hung in that corner, and again, they kissed for luck and prosperity. And every day and every Christmas, that ice in Jim’s eyes melted more and more, and Leonard slowly shed his grouchy exterior, until both of them were actually friends, not just flat-mates.

It turned out that Jim had been an officer, following in his father’s footsteps, and had lost his entire regiment and a small village in France to Napoleon and one of his Under-Generals, a man named Nero. He had resigned his commission and fled as far from the fight as he could get and stay in Northern Europe, heading to a place that hated the British enough not to ask him where he came from. Leonard himself only found out about it because he knew how to listen when Jim was in a talking mood after some whiskey.

Leonard always hoped that that kiss under the mistletoe would give the both of them some luck, because the Lord knew they both needed it, with their pasts and all. But the luck never found them, leaving them with each other, and while they weren’t stuck there by any means, it still galled, especially when Gaila found her love with a brewer named Scott, a transplant from the Scottish Lowlands, and they were still unattached, unlucky in life and love.

And then Leonard met Mary. She was beautiful and kind, and funny as anyone he’d known, and he found himself spending more and more time in her presence, even when he wasn’t seeing to her father, who had a sickness in his lungs that Leonard was working to cure. He was in love, and had already bought the ring by the time anything cut through his fog. He barely noticed Jim retreating further and further, until he realized that the flat wasn’t decorated at all, not even a sprig of holly to liven the place up. He found Jim in the small kitchen, heating up some tea, and put a hand on his shoulder. Jim jumped, something he never did, and Leonard was slightly concerned. This was a new Jim, one he hadn’t seen before.

“Jim, where’s the tree? And the holly? And… the mistletoe?”

“Well, since neither of us will be here – ”

“What do you mean? I’m not going to Mary’s until the afternoon of Christmas Day. We can just move the presents up to Christmas Eve and stay in instead of going to the pub.”

“Really?” Jim’s voice squeaked, but he didn’t comment, opting instead to pull him out of the kitchen after pulling the kettle off the fire.

“Yeah. Thank God we only get a little tree every year; there should be enough of them left to find a good one. Come on, we’ve only got 3 days.” He promptly dragged Jim out into the blistering cold of Dublin’s streets to look for their decorations. Jim, of course, complained bitterly, but Leonard made sure to bitch a bit himself and have hot chocolate at the end. He didn’t hear Jim pacing for once, something he realized had been happening a lot more often lately.

Christmas Eve was nearly the same as always, though Jim seemed almost… wistful, and distracted through their present exchange, and through their usual toasts to Christmas. Leonard didn’t really understand, until the kiss under the mistletoe. When Leonard went for their normal brush of lips, Jim gripped him behind his neck and pulled him in, crushing their mouths together. It took Leonard a split second to realize what was happening, and another split second to tell himself that reacting in any other way than detaching was absolutely the wrong thing to do. He heard a groan and realized it was his, and that his tongue had tangled with Jim’s, both of them trying to crawl inside the other. It wasn’t until the need to breathe encroached on them that they pulled apart, resting their foreheads together.

He noted the tears falling down Jim’s face with almost detached shock. It was a goodbye, and somehow he’d just realized it, too wrapped up in his own budding happiness to think about how it would affect Jim, the only true friend he’d ever had. He looked into Jim’s eyes, searching for an answer to a question that he was half afraid to ask, but still had to voice.

“Why?” Those eyes slid closed, blocking his view into the broken soul that had just begun to heal. He carefully licked at the tears that were still falling, wondering at the taste of salt and skin, and Jim’s eyes flew open in surprise.

“Bones?” He gave a ragged chuckle at the use of the stupid nickname that Jim had pinned on him.

“I think you can call me by my real name for this talk, don’t you?” he asked, pulling Jim toward the sofa. “Why did you do that?” Jim was like a doll, letting himself be situated on the sofa.

“I couldn’t let you go without knowing what it felt like,” he finally said, grief and embarrassment clear on his face as his tears finally slowed to a stop.

“Let me go?” He was still in shock, had to be, because this was not what he’d expected to hear. Jim almost looked hopeful for a moment before his eyes shuttered closed, nearly as guarded as they’d been 5 years before.

“You’re marrying Mary,” Jim said, looking away from him, and Leonard had to fight the impulse to turn him back to face him, to see what was happening in those eyes. “And I’m happy for you, I am!” Jim exclaimed, when he would have asked what he was really saying. “Really, Len, I’m happy for you both! She’s a great girl, and I know you’ll have a great life filled with love and laughter and children and the family you always talked about having. I don’t begrudge either of you that, and I want you to know that this was a one-off thing and I won’t let it happen again.” Jim hugged himself, but for once this night, Leonard was not focused on him.

Utter pain ripped through him, and shock, and something he didn’t understand, something he’d never felt before, stemming from one kiss and a paragraph. The words finally filtered through, and he couldn’t help his spluttering. “...Mary? Marrying her? Damn it, Jim, why didn’t you tell me about this shit before?” He couldn’t help the angry edge to his words, couldn’t help the damning sense of satisfaction at seeing Jim retreat more. This man had just turned his entire life upside down, and didn’t expect this to change anything?

“I didn’t know about any of this then,” Jim murmured, and he let him have his avoidance for the moment. “It wasn’t until I thought about Christmas that I even realized half of it. And like I said, I’m happy for you both, and I’m not going to get in your way. I just wanted one kiss before you left. I’m so sorry, I’ve ruined everything, and I didn’t mean to…”

Leonard couldn’t hear anymore, had to get out, get away, to think. He almost felt sorry for closing the door to the flat in the middle of Jim’s self-sacrificing speech, but he needed to get the fuck out of there, to go somewhere that wasn’t so emotionally charged. It wasn’t until he reached the pub and ordered his whiskey that he realized he’d walked out on potentially the best thing in his life.

The next day was spent with Mary and her parents, the ring weighing heavily in his pocket, an anchor holding him down somehow, something that he had been so eager to do just days before. He avoided talking about it, though he saw Mary and her mother exchanging slightly confused glances, and her father looked uncomfortable, not just because of the pain he was in. It wasn’t until two days later that he actually called on her and tried to explain what was happening.

“Len,” she finally said softly, putting a hand on his arm to halt his rambling. “Darling, it’s sure I am that we would really be something special, but I think we both know, deep down, that we aren’t forever. We’re both meant for more, better.”

“Mary, I’m so sorry, I love you, I do, it’s just…” He didn’t want to say it. It was taboo, to love another man, though it had been happening for centuries, millennia, and he couldn’t break his raising to say it to someone else.

“You’re in love with Jim.” He looked up, shocked, to see a soft smile on Mary’s face. “It’s plain as the nose on your face, love. Nothing to be ashamed of, not with me. We’ll just have to decide what to tell Papa and Mam, and then you can be on with your life, and I can find mine. Besides, I’m too young for you.” He barked out a laugh at her flippant tone, but pulled her into a hesitant hug as her smile slipped slightly, tears standing in her eyes, but not falling.

“I’m sorry, Mary,” he murmured.

“No you aren’t. Now get out of here, all of this with my parents can wait but you have to get him back.” He kissed her forehead, something that would normally be highly improper, but he couldn’t be arsed to care. He left her there, bowing a quick goodbye to her mother who was coming down the stairs, and practically ran back to the flat, which was deserted and cold. He started a fire and looked for a note, any kind of clue to where Jim was. There was nothing, and he wanted to cry himself.

On the morning of New Year’s Eve, an anonymous note arrived, inviting him to a small party at one of the hotels in the downtown area, and promising a good time. He would have said the invitation was for Jim, but he recognized the handwriting and his name was on the envelope. So he dressed carefully, hope nearly choking him as it lifted his heart and stomach into his throat, making him dizzy.

When he got to the party, Jim was flitting from group to group, looking so utterly broken that he couldn’t believe no one could see it, until he saw the worried glances Gaila kept shooting her friend before she caught sight of him. She quietly bustled over to Leonard and took him in hand, leading him to an alcove and plying him with a drink and his own food, admonishing him to stay. He did so, nonplussed at being relegated to an out-of-the-way alcove that no one could see.

It wasn’t until a while later, when Gaila swept by with Jim, loudly admonishing him to find someone to kiss when the bell tolled, that he realized what he had to do. He yanked Jim into the alcove when the man looked about half-heartedly, and realized that Jim had drank a little more champagne than was strictly good for him. Jim looked up at him, eyes lost, body sagging against him in unconscious relief.

“B-Bones?”

“Hey, Jim.” It was all he could say, the only thing he could force past the lump that had lodged in his throat in the last 3 seconds.

“Aren’t you… Aren’t you supposed to be at Mary’s party?” Jim asked, retreating into himself, turning to watch the party through the screen that separated them from the rest of the world.

“No, Jim. I had a talk with Mary. I’m not…. We’re…. Why is this so hard to say?” He was frustrated now, words failing him at the time he needed them most. Jim still wasn’t looking at him. Maybe if he did, Leonard could speak the words that burned in his chest, wanted to trip off his tongue. “Jim, are you gonna look at me?”

“Wasn’t planning on it, no,” Jim said lightly, hugging himself and grinning with a patently false cheer that Leonard was used to, just not used to seeing it directed at him. The world outside began the countdown to midnight, and he had to finish this, now.

“Damn it, Jim,” he groused, pulling the slighter man around to face him as the countdown reached one, licking into his mouth as the rest of the ballroom erupted in cheers and laughter, holding Jim against him with no intention of letting him go ever again. When the clock finished tolling, he pulled back slightly, looking down into Jim’s confused eyes.

“Len?”

“You’re an idiot Jim, and I want you to cherish that, really,” he drawled, drawing a surprised laugh out of Jim. “I… Mary and I had a talk – well, more that she had a talk with me, and we agreed that… Well, I mean, I love her, yeah, but not enough to marry her, even though I thought I did. Jim…”

“I’m sorry I ruined it for you, Bones,” Jim said, and Leonard felt him start to pull away.

“Will you listen to me for one damned minute?!” he groused, yanking Jim back to face him again, tilting Jim’s chin up so that he was forced to look at him. “Ruined? We weren’t forever, Jim. Yes, we have things in common, but not enough to base a life on, so in all actuality, I should be thanking you.” Jim looked stunned.

“Thanking me?”

“For saving me from a mistake. I did a lot of thinking, and I want you to come back to the flat, but only if you want to.”

“Well,” Jim said, the first true smile he’d seen out of him since Mary had shown up stretching his lips. “You do need help paying the rent, and all of my things are there…” Leonard couldn’t wait anymore, hugging him close with a laugh, both of them expressing their relief in mirth as they kissed, tears mingling. Leonard had a feeling that this next year was the start of the rest of their life, and the best of the ones so far.

-FIN-

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Aw, this is lovely.

Thank You! This was a lot of fun and I swear I was changing things as I was posting, though now i can't tell where the changes are lol.

Just lovely! ♥

Thank you for reading!

This was lovely. *snuggles* broken Jim and whaps Bones upside the head. Glad he made it right in the end.

Thanks for reading! This story ate my life and I'm glad you liked it!

Ohhhhhh! I love the way the traditions built up, especially the little bit of how his family came from further East - made this fic feel wider and realer :)

I also love how the kisses played out, and that it didn't end with sex - the story didn't need it shoehorned in, and it made this perfect :)

However I wouldn't begrudge a sequel. No sirree xD

Thank you! I was going for that slow buildup, especially because of the time period I was working with. I'm glad you caught that little bit about Jim's family, but no one has caught the reference made by the candles!

And yeah, I felt that sex would have been a bit too much for them, since they barely understood that there was something between them, and it was Mary who had to tell Bones that he was in love... even though they didn't say it to each other in so many words.

And there might be a sequel... <.< >.> *grin*

Oh this was so sweet! I love the historical feel without it being full of "old english" and obscure references ;) Good stuff, bb!

Thanks! I approached this as, it's historical, but that isn't the main focus of it, so just pointing out that candles are used worked for the purpose of the story.

You had me really scared there with the mention of a woman. I love how he put Jim back together through Christmas. Sad Jim is no fun. I totes love your icon too.

Thanks! That was actually a point for me that I had to decide if I wanted happy or sad, since it really could have gone either way even after the mistletoe kiss...

(and I got the icon from

heavenly90icons along with my other candle icon and my landscape one)

this was great! i loved the setting of course and i was all tense for a little while in the middle there. yay!

Thank you for reading and I'm glad that the setting worked!

Happy endings eeeeee! I loved this line: Kirk’s eyes were like a still lake, reflecting everything but showing nothing.

Thanks for another lovely contribution to our fest!

Thank you for the opportunity! Jim took angst pills when I started writing this, and they didn't wear off until the last scene lol!

Loved it! A perfectly IC AU, and yay for Gaila! ♥

I love Gaila, and I see her with Scotty in my head Canon, so she usually does in my fics lol...

And yay they were still IC! I tried really hard to keep their reactions as close to normal for their personalities as possible! Yay!!!

♥ ♥

aw, this was sweet and heartwarming, and a really great AU. I loved this line in particular:

Kirk’s eyes were like a still lake, reflecting everything but showing nothing.

thanks for sharing!

Thank you so much! That's the second time someone's commented on that particular line, and it has long been one of my favorite descriptions for Jim's eyes, ever since I saw the movie the first time, and I was happy to be able to get it in here.

Thanks for reading! Merry Christmas (if indeed it is Christmas where you are and you celebrate it lol)

♥♥♥♥♥

This was lovely! Very perfectly captured the poignant relationship they were doomed to have in that era. So glad for Mary and Gaila!

Thank you! I'm glad that got through because my mind was bouncing between the fact that relationships like that have been happening since ancient times and the Victorian constipation when it comes to relationships like that. It was a hard line to walk, really, because I wasn't sure until it got to the convo with Mary that she would even support Bones in his feelings. And Gaila is just Gaila lol

Sorry it took me so long to read this, but what a read it was! I loved it! It was so tender and loving and exactly what I needed after a day filled with paperwork and headaches. Thank you so much for writing this!

PS - hope your holidays were wonderful! ♥

They were, hope yours were equally so!

It was so tender and loving and exactly what I needed after a day filled with paperwork and headaches.

That's why I love historicals because for some reason I'm able to come out with the flowery prose that makes my heart melt without feeling weird about it. I'm so glad you liked this. I have to admit it took me on a wild ride while writing it, so I'm glad you loved it!

♥♥♥

Oh this is so wonderful, sweetie. Sorry I didn't comment before, but I kept forgetting to check the masterpost. Wasn't sure if I was going to read this when I read the summary, but then I saw you wrote it and knew I had to read it. I'm so glad I did! This gorgeously written. *snugs you tight*

Yay you had to read it! Thank you so much for reading! *snugs you back*
♥♥♥

What a great idea to let us in this whole procedure.

Hope, Kindness, Rebirth

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Late OP is late!

Re: Late OP is late!

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