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Sunday, January 1st, 2012 11:45
title: Certainly Not Us
author: Me
rating: pg-13
words: 800
pairing: Puckurt, Klaine (one-sided)
summary: In the aftermath of what happened in his bedroom, Kurt and Puck try to have a civil conversation. It doesn't go quite like either of them thought it would.
a/n: yes, sequel to 'What's Conventional?', set about an hour after it. It's really short, but I'm thinking of making this a verse. This is from Kurt's POV. The next one will be from Puck's.


When Kurt makes it down the stairs 45 minutes later, Noah's sitting at the kitchen table, a cup of coffee held in his slightly shaking hands. Kurt wordlessly reaches into a cabinet and pulls down a small shot-bottle of Bailey's that his father had tried to get past him a few weeks before, offering it up. Noah takes it, not making a sound, and Kurt feels like a hole has opened up underneath him, worse than throwing the high F in 'Defying Gravity.' He pours himself a cup, putting more sugar than was wise into it, settling across the table, putting his best face on, the one that says he's absolutely fine and nothing said can hurt him. They sit quietly, neither of them speaking, and Kurt thinks that here's the end of a friendship he never thought he'd have, one less person for him to talk to, one less body for him to count as his in his quiet moments.

"I'm still confused," Noah finally says, voice quiet, quieter than Kurt's ever heard it. Kurt doesn't look up, keeps staring at his coffee, spinning his spoon in a circle, trying to make it seem like this conversation isn't one of the most important he'll have in his life (in retrospect, it isn't, since it's only high school, but he's only 16 and so it really kind of is). "But... What we did wasn't... isn't wrong." Kurt can't help looking up, his mask slipping helplessly. 'I liked it. And nothing that feels that good is wrong. Especially not for Puckzilla." He smiles when Kurt grins, meaning that's what he was going for, and Kurt feels like a small weight has been lifted, since Noah's still trying to put him at ease.

"I... I know it was bad timing," he starts, knowing somehow that it's his turn to talk and choosing his words carefully. "I... I really enjoyed that. A lot. It was... It was my first time, and somehow it was better this way.  Better that we're friends, so this isn't fucked up by emotions..." He isn't sure if he's making sense, or if what he's saying is right, and he doesn't dare look up at Noah, his hands clutching at his coffee cup like a lifeline.

"Hummel... Kurt..." Noah's voice is low, a little rough, and he looks up instinctively, a little afraid of what he's going to see. Noah's eyes are soft in a way that Kurt has never seen them, mouth soft as if he doesn't know quite what to say but is going to try. "I... I want to do that again. With you. I... I don't want to stop this, I want to see what happens."

"So... are you telling me not to go after Blaine? Or what?"

"I... I don't know. I can't tell you not to go after him. But... I want you. I want this, whatever it is. I don't want to fuck up a relationship for you, but..." And Kurt could suddenly see two futures before him, one with Blaine, steady, dependable, something he could look at and touch as if to say this is mine, I helped make this, and a future that includes this thing with Puck, less dependable, far less steady, but with potentially more to gain. He already knows what being with Blaine would be like: the two of them doing everything they already did, only with the addition of fumbled kisses and declarations of affection. With Noah. however, everything is much less certain. They don't know enough about each other, don't have enough of the same wants, things in common. But the passion... Kurt wants that. He wants to learn with Noah, to find out what they could be together.

"I don't want Blaine. Not if I can have you, in any capacity." He knows he shouldn't say that, should stick with the safer option, but for once in his life he wants to take a chance. Maybe they'll burn out, maybe he'll find out that they just don't work out, but he wants to be able to know that. He wants to have that chance, not miss out on it. Blaine might be everything he's supposed to want, everything that, at one point, he thought he did, but maybe this will work out, too. Maybe.

"Are you sure?" Noah's voice is a little choked, and he looks up again. Noah's eyes are wide, something akin to hopeful, and Kurt never wants to make Noah feel like he's not wanted, not ever again, because in these moments that no one else sees, he's beautiful. Kurt hopes that's not plainly written on his own face as he tentatively reaches out a hand, waiting. It takes a moment, but slowly, so slowly Kurt could recite an entire aria, Noah reaches for him in return.

"I'm sure."
 

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